Not all difficult workplace conversations are of the high-risk variety-like asking for a raise. Some are garden-variety prickly-stem types-please don't burn incense, please speak a little lower when you're on the phone or please don't comment on things that have nothing to do with you. Yet, when these conversations are handled poorly they can make a work environment unbearable. The key is to use thoughtful, assertive communication skills.
Recently, my beloved decided to surprise me for my birthday. He made reservations at a new restaurant opened by a famous television chef we both enjoy watching. A few hours prior to the time we needed to leave M. called me from work and asked me to get the address and the directions. (Yes, he asked for directions.) A quick search online gave me what I was looking for but it also gave me access to several reviews. They weren't good. I searched again, read a few more reviews and they weren't good either. Twenty-five or thirty searches later I knew that if we honored our reservations we were both going to be disappointed.
Now I had a slight predicament. Do I keep quiet, go and hope for the best or call him and suggest we make alternate plans. This was his gift to me and I wanted him to know I appreciated the effort. It seems a minor conversation but mishandled it could result in bad feelings. Some of you are thinking-just go and have fun, it's not the place it's the company that matters. Others are shaking your heads crying out-no, don't be nuts just make different plans-it's your birthday. The less empathic might be thinking-what's the big deal?-tell your guy he got it wrong and make him fix it. And still, some overly sympathetic folks are taking on the bad feeling as their own, knowing how much thought M. put into picking just the right place for my birthday dinner.
Responses to this dilemma run from doormat to bulldog on the assertiveness scale-and this is a minor challenge. Imagine the response to a high-risk conversation. Do I opt for short term disappointment or the long-term sense of feeling ripped-off, foolish, or regret? I called and told M. what I discovered and made an alternate suggestion. A moment of silence followed by-"I'll call you back"-was his response. I made no assumptions about his emotionless reaction.
In the end, my birthday was delightful. M was happy I told him beforehand avoiding the long-term consequences previously mentioned.
Selasa, 26 September 2017
Selasa, 12 September 2017
Workplace Communication - 4 Beliefs That Create Conflict and Dismiss Collaboration
Understanding the underlying beliefs that create conflict can go a long way in improving workplace communication. Conflict is a natural part of human interaction and properly managed can lead to creative solutions, valuable insights, and personal growth.
Here a look at the four underlying beliefs that can lead to disagreements and poor communication:
1. The belief that the other side must understand your perspective so they will begin to think the same way you do. This leads to a battle to be first to explain your side of an issue. At first glance, it is easy to agree with this statement, but in reality the opposite-listening to the other side first-leads to faster resolution and the opportunity to learn something valuable that might shift the way you see things.
2. The belief that you are a good listener-and strive to understand differing points of view. The truth is that conscious and active listening is a difficult skill to master and requires the discipline of being fully aware in every conversation. As technology continues to take us further away from one-to-one conversations the less opportunity there is to practice the skill of conscious awareness. Real understanding and honest communication does not occur in 140 characters.
3. The belief that you hold no fear if you know you are right. The very idea that your sense of righteousness precludes fear is unreasonable. The real truth is that your belief stems from a place of fear-the loss of something-stature, face, authority or the shattering of your belief. Loss rather than the possibility of gain becomes the basis of your communication style setting the perfect stage for conflict.
4. The belief that resolution means triumph over another resulting in a winner and a loser. Unfortunately competition is highly regarded and often encouraged in the workplace making the possibility of collaboration all the more difficult. Collaboration conjures up compromise but that need not be the case. Collaboration can spur creativity and the generation of brand new ideas-that neither side previously considered. Think about it-we teach conflict resolution skills rather than collaboration skills! Imagine the mindset shift that would require-but imagine the possibilities it would foster.
Take a moment to consider your own limiting beliefs. What one belief, that if you shifted your thinking about, would make the most difference in the way you handle disagreements in your workplace? Replace the world conflict with collaboration and observe how your communication changes.
Here a look at the four underlying beliefs that can lead to disagreements and poor communication:
1. The belief that the other side must understand your perspective so they will begin to think the same way you do. This leads to a battle to be first to explain your side of an issue. At first glance, it is easy to agree with this statement, but in reality the opposite-listening to the other side first-leads to faster resolution and the opportunity to learn something valuable that might shift the way you see things.
2. The belief that you are a good listener-and strive to understand differing points of view. The truth is that conscious and active listening is a difficult skill to master and requires the discipline of being fully aware in every conversation. As technology continues to take us further away from one-to-one conversations the less opportunity there is to practice the skill of conscious awareness. Real understanding and honest communication does not occur in 140 characters.
3. The belief that you hold no fear if you know you are right. The very idea that your sense of righteousness precludes fear is unreasonable. The real truth is that your belief stems from a place of fear-the loss of something-stature, face, authority or the shattering of your belief. Loss rather than the possibility of gain becomes the basis of your communication style setting the perfect stage for conflict.
4. The belief that resolution means triumph over another resulting in a winner and a loser. Unfortunately competition is highly regarded and often encouraged in the workplace making the possibility of collaboration all the more difficult. Collaboration conjures up compromise but that need not be the case. Collaboration can spur creativity and the generation of brand new ideas-that neither side previously considered. Think about it-we teach conflict resolution skills rather than collaboration skills! Imagine the mindset shift that would require-but imagine the possibilities it would foster.
Take a moment to consider your own limiting beliefs. What one belief, that if you shifted your thinking about, would make the most difference in the way you handle disagreements in your workplace? Replace the world conflict with collaboration and observe how your communication changes.
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