Workplace Communication - How to Assertively Approach a Difficult Conversation

Not all difficult workplace conversations are of the high-risk variety-like asking for a raise. Some are garden-variety prickly-stem types-please don't burn incense, please speak a little lower when you're on the phone or please don't comment on things that have nothing to do with you. Yet, when these conversations are handled poorly they can make a work environment unbearable. The key is to use thoughtful, assertive communication skills.

Recently, my beloved decided to surprise me for my birthday. He made reservations at a new restaurant opened by a famous television chef we both enjoy watching. A few hours prior to the time we needed to leave M. called me from work and asked me to get the address and the directions. (Yes, he asked for directions.) A quick search online gave me what I was looking for but it also gave me access to several reviews. They weren't good. I searched again, read a few more reviews and they weren't good either. Twenty-five or thirty searches later I knew that if we honored our reservations we were both going to be disappointed.

Now I had a slight predicament. Do I keep quiet, go and hope for the best or call him and suggest we make alternate plans. This was his gift to me and I wanted him to know I appreciated the effort. It seems a minor conversation but mishandled it could result in bad feelings. Some of you are thinking-just go and have fun, it's not the place it's the company that matters. Others are shaking your heads crying out-no, don't be nuts just make different plans-it's your birthday. The less empathic might be thinking-what's the big deal?-tell your guy he got it wrong and make him fix it. And still, some overly sympathetic folks are taking on the bad feeling as their own, knowing how much thought M. put into picking just the right place for my birthday dinner.

Responses to this dilemma run from doormat to bulldog on the assertiveness scale-and this is a minor challenge. Imagine the response to a high-risk conversation. Do I opt for short term disappointment or the long-term sense of feeling ripped-off, foolish, or regret? I called and told M. what I discovered and made an alternate suggestion. A moment of silence followed by-"I'll call you back"-was his response. I made no assumptions about his emotionless reaction.

In the end, my birthday was delightful. M was happy I told him beforehand avoiding the long-term consequences previously mentioned.